I know I said my next post was going to be my 4th in my Photoshop series but getting to do my hair at 5:30am inspired me. I hope this brings at least a little chuckle to your bleary eyed day.
I also apologize in advance because I try to not exclude anyone in my posts but in this case if you don't or never had kids you might feel left out. Or it might make you rethink your future sleep options if you are thinking about it. Here we go, 10 ways that your life has changed when it comes to your "beauty" regime and life.
Just got my hair done, getting ready for a night out, posting on FB so everyone knows the fun that is about to begin.
1. Kidless - You might be rolling in at about 5:30am from your nightly adventure thinking about how you can just reuse this makeup and hair in 2 hours when you have to get up and go to work.
Kids - You've probably been up at least a half an hour praying that you don't hear your name called yet, that maybe you can get a 5 minute shower in before. There hasn't been a stitch of makeup on your face in 3 days and that was just mascara so less chances of raccoon eyes.
2. Kidless - You have a secret identity when you are out having fun and being pretty. You can get a little crazy and blame it on someone else the next day.
Kids - My secret identity is now Jess. Every time I am out of the house I am mom or ma'am, I don't even remember my own dang name sometimes since I find myself talking in the third person. "Mommy says if you don't stop hitting your brother and eat your damn peas you are going to bed right now!"
3. Kidless - You love when you "fall back" for daylight savings time. It means you get an hour extra to dance that night away because you will also get an extra hour of sleep to match. It all evens out!
Kids - You LOATHE daylights savings time. Your kid doesn't realize they get an hour extra in fact it is the opposite to them because they cannot read clocks! Not only do you ever get an extra hour of sleep, the rest of your day is all messed up because now naps are earlier which then throws off the playdates I already despise. Bed time is also thrown off making your day a complete whirlwind that leads to an extra much deserved glass of wine at the end of the day.
4. Kidless - You talked to your friends online to talk about meet up times and what you are wearing that night.
Kids - All your best friends are online, you talk to them every day. You have chat groups where you can tell them exactly how you feel about everyone's damn dirty socks and how you had to hide in the bathroom to eat your much coveted candy bar. Your nightly girl times consists of a few glasses of wine and online facebook chat.
5. Kidless - You text your friends to see where the heck they are, you are standing outside in heels and it is cold! You cannot wait in line to get into the club by yourself because that is embarrassing.
Kids - On a rare night you get out you walk into the bar and find your one friend (the others couldn't get out..bath time and DST messing them up) sitting at a table with her beer half gone. Who cares what people think, you only have so much time and you got to get that drink started!
6. Kidless - You use the bathroom with the door open because who cares if someone comes in. No one is going to touch your makeup, your blow dryer isn't going to wake anyone up, and you need to hear the prefunk music coming from the living room.
Kids - You use the bathroom with the door open because littles traipsing in and out is better than not knowing what they could be doing in the 2.5 seconds it now takes you to pee. On the rare occasion when you lock the door you just pray that you won't come out to children climbing the stairs banister or in your makeup room using your 20 dollar eyeliner as a crayon to write all over every surface in there.
7. Kidless - Your prefunk activities start at 9pm after your girlfriends come over and you make sure your makeup and hair are perfect and that your outfits are of the same quality i.e. it's a jean night vs a skirt night.
Kids - Your prefunk is the bottle of wine you have been stealing sips out of since 5pm, putting your jammies on at 7, breaking out the vodka at 8:35 after you finally get the kids in bed and by 10 you are rubbing your eyes thinking about bed. You know some little munchkin is going to need a drink of water at 5:30am and then need to take up your side of the bed except for the 6 inches of space he left you on the edge.
8. Kidless - Full face of makeup consists of eyeshadow primer, concealer, foundation, contouring, blush, highlighter, eyeshadow, setting powder, eyeliner, mascara, and lipstick. All finished with a setting spray to keep that stuff in place!
Kids - Eyeshadow primer, eyeshadow applied using your finger, mascara, eyeliner, some blush for countouring, and some lip balm or maybe even some gloss! You are only going out for 3-4 hours anyways and it just means you can go home and not have to wash your face since you didn't put anything all over your pores. For some I know this is even way beyond the amount of products you use but I am girly when it comes to makeup!
9. Kidless - Sleeping in for your beauty rest has you rolling out of bed at 10-12 upon which you go out for a hang over brunch at a little cafe where there only being a few stools left is totally fine.
Kids - You haven't really slept in for 2 years and the off occasion you get to it's means you get up at 7:30am instead of 6:30am. If you ever go out for breakfast it is in a booth way in the back that the waiter happily assigns you, it seats 6 where you jam your kids as far in the middle so they cannot escape and you spend 3/4th of your time saying don't play with your damn eggs, get your feet off the table and stop staring at the people next to us!
10. Kidless - Who blogs? You instagram and Facebook the entire night out to show off your night of wild fun. People hate all your selfies but secretly wish they were out there too.
Kids - There is no way you are putting your 9pm face and jammies on social media, you blog at 5:30am while it is quiet and in said blog you talk about food, saving money and the knitting project you started but that no one will receive because it will be secretly stashed in the box of 15 others you started.
Coloring and cutting my own hair at 10pm, drinking a glass of wine, in my jammies while my husband posts "funny" pictures of me in awe of my multitasking and skill.
Obviously every one is different and maybe you haven't had to change as much. I just notice how different things have become lately and was hoping maybe just one other mom out there felt my new parent culture shock. Have a great Sunday everyone and I promise my next blog will be the next in my Photoshop series! Enjoy your day!
what's this for?
I find so many things I love out on The Internet and I want a place to share it. Trends, tips, and hopefully some fun stuff too!